Hero_X
01-04-2009, 06:08 PM
So where do I start with us?
There are so many things I want to say to you, and here I go.
First, you can't say that you have never asked anything from me. You've asked me to either pick you somewhere, get you food when you had your wisdom teeth pulled which was totally out of my way, go down to the states for Black Friday with you, and that's just start. So for you to say that love is not about asking, is completely bullshit to me. Yes I do all those things because I want to, and most of the time you asked me to. When you told me that that you need a break from us, either because stress of school or you are just falling out love and I all wanted from you was to talk to you face to face to get things off my chest. And you won't even give me the time is crap. I just need to say a few things, and that's it. You won't even listen to me.
I'm getting sick and tired of this excuse of getting stressed over school. The last time it happened, it took me a while to get back into it again. And it made me feel like shit. You should never make the person you love feel like shit. Sure that time wasn't that long that time, but it still felt like shit. Now this time it seems like longer, and it gives me doubt about us.
How many times is this going to happen with us? This is not the kind of relationship I want. This is time, it's giving me doubt about us. How many times are we going to go through this. If it's going to be like this, I don't want it. I rather be by myself, then be with you and go through this over and over again. I just keep wondering, how often this will happen and how closed off I will be to you. I'm already closing myself down because of this. I can't even shed a tear about you anymore.
And you can't say that I have changed, because I've stayed the way I am but change other things for the better. You used to do things for me, but now it's like a hassle for you. And when I want to do things out of my for you, you call it a hassle. For example: when I want to spend more time with you at night when I have bus home you tell me not to. Because you think it would be a hassle for me to take a late bus home. For me, it's only a hassle if you are lazy to do it yourself. Nothing is a hassle for me, I am willing to do anything because I can and care. And when I ask you to drop me off at my bus stop, which is 3-5 minute drive it's a hassle for you. You used to do it when we first met, you used to do a lot of things for me but now everything is a hassle. I pretty much do anything in this relationship to keep going, and you won't even drive me anymore.
You told me that the first few things that you do in the New Year, you will do for the rest of the year and I don't want to do this forever. It's a waste of my time, I could be actually be with someone who doesn't do this shit.
I do love you with all my heart, and I love you more than anyone in this world. I haven't loved anyone or cared for anyone in this life as much as I love and cared about you. But when this keeps happening, I am the one who is falling off this edge. I am seriously having doubts about us. And you should never have doubts with someone who you love.
At the start of this relationship you are the first one to say, “I love you and care about you, and never cared and loved about anyone in my whole life.” And I felt the same way. I didn't really initiate anything with us for the first few weeks we just started to get to know each other. When I would tell you to sleep, when you had the work the next day you still wanted to talk to me. Those things you did in the first few weeks showed me that you actually liked me for who I am, and actually took the time to get to know me. For the first time in my life in those weeks, I actually felt special. You said you even loved me and cared about me more than your ex-boyfriend who you were with for 3 years. That told me a lot of what would happen to us. We even talked about getting married and having kids after a few months of being together. That really set our future together. But now, I don't even see anything.
I don't know even if I should wait for this to blow over, because it might happen again. I don't even know if I should wait, I don't know a lot of things about us now. I just felt like I died right there on the spot when you said you wanted a “break from us.” I don't believe in breaks, you either stay with the person or just go. And you weren't even brave enough to tell me this by calling me or telling straight to my face. You had to text me this cowardly. And all I asked was to talk to you and get stuff of my chest. You were still too much of a coward to show up and talk to me. You didn't even have to talk to me, just listen to me. Just sick and tired of this feeling now.
I'm not as dumb as I look, you can't hide things from me. Some people say I have a six sense of things when it comes to relationships, and I know when something is up. Are you sure you, “think you are falling out of love,” or most likely having feelings for someone else. I am not dumb, I just keep my mouth shut to stay away from arguments with you. I don't know what else to do or what to say. But I am almost practically done.
If we ever get back together, don't expect me to be all there for you. I am closing parts of myself to you, and probably won't open again to you until you have proven to me that this shit won't happen again. I am closing parts of myself to you until I know we are stable.
There are so many things I want to say to you, and here I go.
First, you can't say that you have never asked anything from me. You've asked me to either pick you somewhere, get you food when you had your wisdom teeth pulled which was totally out of my way, go down to the states for Black Friday with you, and that's just start. So for you to say that love is not about asking, is completely bullshit to me. Yes I do all those things because I want to, and most of the time you asked me to. When you told me that that you need a break from us, either because stress of school or you are just falling out love and I all wanted from you was to talk to you face to face to get things off my chest. And you won't even give me the time is crap. I just need to say a few things, and that's it. You won't even listen to me.
I'm getting sick and tired of this excuse of getting stressed over school. The last time it happened, it took me a while to get back into it again. And it made me feel like shit. You should never make the person you love feel like shit. Sure that time wasn't that long that time, but it still felt like shit. Now this time it seems like longer, and it gives me doubt about us.
How many times is this going to happen with us? This is not the kind of relationship I want. This is time, it's giving me doubt about us. How many times are we going to go through this. If it's going to be like this, I don't want it. I rather be by myself, then be with you and go through this over and over again. I just keep wondering, how often this will happen and how closed off I will be to you. I'm already closing myself down because of this. I can't even shed a tear about you anymore.
And you can't say that I have changed, because I've stayed the way I am but change other things for the better. You used to do things for me, but now it's like a hassle for you. And when I want to do things out of my for you, you call it a hassle. For example: when I want to spend more time with you at night when I have bus home you tell me not to. Because you think it would be a hassle for me to take a late bus home. For me, it's only a hassle if you are lazy to do it yourself. Nothing is a hassle for me, I am willing to do anything because I can and care. And when I ask you to drop me off at my bus stop, which is 3-5 minute drive it's a hassle for you. You used to do it when we first met, you used to do a lot of things for me but now everything is a hassle. I pretty much do anything in this relationship to keep going, and you won't even drive me anymore.
You told me that the first few things that you do in the New Year, you will do for the rest of the year and I don't want to do this forever. It's a waste of my time, I could be actually be with someone who doesn't do this shit.
I do love you with all my heart, and I love you more than anyone in this world. I haven't loved anyone or cared for anyone in this life as much as I love and cared about you. But when this keeps happening, I am the one who is falling off this edge. I am seriously having doubts about us. And you should never have doubts with someone who you love.
At the start of this relationship you are the first one to say, “I love you and care about you, and never cared and loved about anyone in my whole life.” And I felt the same way. I didn't really initiate anything with us for the first few weeks we just started to get to know each other. When I would tell you to sleep, when you had the work the next day you still wanted to talk to me. Those things you did in the first few weeks showed me that you actually liked me for who I am, and actually took the time to get to know me. For the first time in my life in those weeks, I actually felt special. You said you even loved me and cared about me more than your ex-boyfriend who you were with for 3 years. That told me a lot of what would happen to us. We even talked about getting married and having kids after a few months of being together. That really set our future together. But now, I don't even see anything.
I don't know even if I should wait for this to blow over, because it might happen again. I don't even know if I should wait, I don't know a lot of things about us now. I just felt like I died right there on the spot when you said you wanted a “break from us.” I don't believe in breaks, you either stay with the person or just go. And you weren't even brave enough to tell me this by calling me or telling straight to my face. You had to text me this cowardly. And all I asked was to talk to you and get stuff of my chest. You were still too much of a coward to show up and talk to me. You didn't even have to talk to me, just listen to me. Just sick and tired of this feeling now.
I'm not as dumb as I look, you can't hide things from me. Some people say I have a six sense of things when it comes to relationships, and I know when something is up. Are you sure you, “think you are falling out of love,” or most likely having feelings for someone else. I am not dumb, I just keep my mouth shut to stay away from arguments with you. I don't know what else to do or what to say. But I am almost practically done.
If we ever get back together, don't expect me to be all there for you. I am closing parts of myself to you, and probably won't open again to you until you have proven to me that this shit won't happen again. I am closing parts of myself to you until I know we are stable.